I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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