Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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