i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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