There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize