Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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