Where is the hickey?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
