Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
