Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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