operation have a gay friend backfired
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
