I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
