I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
