I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
