She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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