the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
