I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
