How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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