WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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