the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
