How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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