booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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