Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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