Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
