Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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