what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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