I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
