I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
