He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I checked into jail on foursquare
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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