Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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