Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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