VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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