I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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