Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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