I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
even my farts smell like vagina
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
