I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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