Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
