Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
