How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize