god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
