Don't make out with my wife yet
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
