this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
