I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
