Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
