Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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