hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize