YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
