anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
