I need help removing her.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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