dude i'm inner monologue high
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
