I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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