i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
