I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
