another moral hangover. fuck.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just cut my nipple shaving
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
