I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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