I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
