So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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