Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
