I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish my penis had an off switch
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
