turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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