Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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