Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
