What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
