She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize