There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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