I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
