Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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